Preparations for writing the oath
Ask the MC pastor in advance. Make sure you can decide on your wedding vows yourself.
You and your significant other agree to write your own vows. Both of you need to acknowledge this, and the guests need to know it too. Not everyone wants to write their own wedding vows.
Take some time to reminisce about your love. Once you and your future spouse decide to write your wedding vows yourself, you must take some time, alone and with each other, to reflect on how you love each other and what makes your relationship special. This will go a long way in brainstorming your wedding vows, and you’ll find that you have so much to say to your significant other that it’s almost impossible to cut them down. Here are a few ways to remember your love: [1]
Pick a vow day. Get serious, go to a romantic restaurant or your favorite restaurant, order some wine, and talk about how you love each other. Share some of the best memories from your relationship, discuss some of the most difficult things you’ve been through together, and talk about the times you wanted to be with each other all the time.
Don’t be afraid to look silly on Pledge Day! Silly memories are also meaningful. Bring a notebook and jot down your thoughts.
Take some time to think for yourself. Write down those thoughts you have about your loved one in a journal.
If you kept a diary during the course of your relationship, flipping through the contents of the diary can allow you to see more of your relationship.
Make a plan with your future partner. When you’ve each recollected it, you can start discussing the details of the pledge, which will ensure you’re on the same page and present a unity to your guests. Here are a few important things to decide before writing your vows:
Time or content length restrictions. The vast majority of vows are around a minute, or around 150 words. Don’t write too long. Vows should be short and sweet, otherwise the guests will get impatient.
Decide on the style of your vows. Will this vow be serious, touching, or humorous? Is poetic and lighthearted? Extremely romantic? While you and your significant other don’t have to be in perfect agreement, if one person is “extremely romantic” and the other is “completely zany,” your vows won’t sound right. Remember, while you can come across as silly, there is still a serious tone to it. After all, you are swearing your own life.
Decide on the format. Choose an appropriate format, starting with “I promise to…” or “I promise to…” You can use the same beginning or ending, such as “Thank you for choosing to be with me forever.” You can rewrite the structure a bit more when you start writing your oath, if you want.
Decide whether you will write your vows together or separately. Are you exchanging notes while writing, or are you saving the vow as a surprise until your wedding day?
Decide on a deadline. It sounds silly, but you have to write your vows a month before your wedding so you don’t end up staying up all night trying to write them out. The more time you spend writing your vows, the more you will be able to express your true emotions.
Write what you love about the other person. Think about what makes your future partner so special. It could be the person’s beautiful blue eyes that make you laugh no matter how bad you feel, or the ability for the person to know what you’re thinking even when you’re far away.
Make a list of the best adjectives that can be used to describe your sweetheart. Think about what you want to emphasize in your pledge.
Tell a story that emphasizes your sweetheart’s best qualities. Saying he’s “a nice guy” would be better than talking about how he cleans the whole house before a visitor arrives.
Think of those times when your loved one was always there for you. Difficult parts come in even the best of relationships, and think about the qualities your lover displayed in helping you through difficult times.
Mention the most important memory from your relationship. Write down the most important memorable moments you shared with your future partner. It could be the time you guys went on vacation together in Napa Valley, or it could be him staying home with you for two days of boring TV after you got your wisdom teeth out.
Think about the places you’ve been to together, the mountains you’ve hiked together, or the restaurants you’ve both enjoyed.
Think about those milestone times in your relationship. You buy a dog together, you move in together, you go on a first date, the moment you know what it means to be between you.
Think about the most difficult times in your relationship. How did you get through it together?
Write down the promises you want to make to your future partner. Depending on your lover’s personality and the memories you’ve shared, you can write down a series of promises to promise you’ll always love just one person. This commitment can be serious, such as apologizing first no matter what the situation is, or never going to sleep angry. It can also be fun, like doing the dishes if you win the war for the remote control. [2]
Remember that in the traditional oath, people swear that they are willing to be with their lover and support each other unconditionally, regardless of sickness or health, poverty or wealth. You can express the same in your own way, which is what weddings are really about.
Remember to be yourself. You can get so focused on writing the perfect pledge and impressing your guests that you forget to show your true personality and the real reasons why you love them. If you’re both funny, be funny. If you’re both hopelessly romantic, then don’t be afraid to use those overblown poetic phrases. This is your day to show who you really are.
You can look at other people’s vows, read some poetry, and search the Internet for inspiration. You can ask a friend who recently wrote her own vows to see if she has anything she can share with you. These can be helpful suggestions, but don’t rely too much on other people’s words, and always remember to bring out the most special parts of your relationship.
If you have a sense of humor, tell a lighthearted joke. After the serious talk, you can tell your sweetheart: “I promise to watch the football game with you every Monday night, but you promise to bring me flowers every week.”
Remember to be yourself, but don’t forget your audience, you have to show the best of yourself and your relationship, but don’t forget the audience, don’t let them feel confused and bored. Would Grandma Flo wonder about the amazing reflexology session between you? Probably not.
Avoid clichés. It’s very possible to fall into clichés when writing your vows. The whole point of writing your own vows is to make them personal, so try to find the most original way to express your emotions. Avoid calling your future partner your “best friend” or “soulmate,” or that your “heart melted” when you first met.
You need to avoid clichés, but don’t be limited by personalization either. If your sweetheart is indeed your best friend, then don’t be afraid to say so. Most of the time, though, you should try to write in languages that only you can write.
Ask for feedback. Once you’ve gained confidence in your vows, it’s time to ask for advice. While you may feel that your vows will move your audience to tears, you still need to make sure you’ve chosen the right tone to clearly communicate your feelings before making the official announcement. Here’s who you can ask for feedback on:
If you and your future partner feel comfortable sharing your vows with each other, ask each other what they think.
Find a trusted best friend who understands your relationship and the things you want to express.
Ask a parent or grandparent for advice. From the eyes of the elders can help you better understand the true meaning of love.
Prepare to take the oath. Once your vows are ready, you need to focus on how you say them. You have to practice it a few times so that it sounds natural, but not so much that it sounds rehearsed, it sounds like something that needs to come from the heart.
Focus on articulation and eye contact with your loved one, and occasionally glance across the audience.
Remember that on your wedding day, your vows will sound different than they did in rehearsal. You might stumble a bit, but that’s okay. This way your vows will sound sweeter and the audience will see how much you love your future partner.